So my sister-in-law (SIL) after getting out of hospital A week ago went back in on Friday the 20th. She went back in because she hadn’t been taking her meds, she hadn’t been eating and her blood sugar was through the roof. She is in a diabetic coma and refuses to open her eyes when she comes out of it because she comes in and out of it constantly throughout the day. She is combative and angry and strapped in on one hand because she tries pulling out her IVs. She is in ICU one in a Lowell hospital up in Massachusetts. They know her there. The nurses are very familiar with her case. They offer her help and rehabilitation she always refuses. She just wants to go back home and drink herself to death. What do you do with an individual like that we’re just sitting here watching her die. It’s unsettling.
It’s also killing her sister, my partner, whom I love. she has two sons, one in California one in Washington DC. They both work together in the same business. Those two brothers love each other. One is married one isn’t the one that is NOT will probably never get married. Here’s the problem I find with my SIL – she feels abandoned she feels like her entire life has been shot to shit. She’s right because of her bad decisions. Her sons’ role model was a father who would beat him and his brother up constantly when he was drunk & angry with his wife (SIL). The mother my SIL was combative not towards them as children but towards the husband because she felt locked in the situation she couldn’t get out of. She stayed in her 18 yr failed marriage when he threatened to track her down if she left with the kids and kill them all. Lovely man.
When they divorced she refused to take alimony and that is why she’s in the position she is in now. Her ex-husband is wealthy yet she refused to take his money? she raised both of her sons to not call her “mom“ but to call her by her first name. I tried calling my mother by her first name and she would never answer me until I called her mom. You can’t treat your children as if they’re your friends BECAUSE they’re not your friends they’re your children you gave birth to them, you have to show them discipline that’s what they look for and if they don’t find it in you they gonna go outside to find it. The son that’s married and living in California punched his mother in the eye back when he was living at home and was 17 and his first girlfriend broke up with him. He had gone to the girl’s house and was threatening her mom and the ex and the mom called SIL to come get her crazy son or she was calling the police. SIL tried to get him to go home and then he threatened her and told her “ I’m gonna punch you if you don’t leave me alone”. When she didn’t comply he punched her. She excuses that. SIL thinks love is a punch in the gut and your head being banged on a porcelain sink or against a cement brick wall. SIL believes that if you treat her kindly you don’t love her. There was a guy let’s say his name was RYAN. Ryan was the 3rd wheel in this couple’s relationship and they both had sex with Ryan often. Both SIL and asshole ex hubs were in love with RYAN. Ryan fell in love with SIL and wanted her to leave the hubby and live with him. When asked why she didn’t go her reply will always be “my hubby was more attentive and persuasive”. No mention of love or devotion or any kind of loving terms such as these. No – “he paid more attention to me so he won” basically is what SIL is saying. It’s selfish, it’s self-absorbed bullshit and it’s narcissism on her part.
When SIL and my partner were in their 20s, my partner had puppy that she left with SIL and her then boyfriend – a horny guy from prep – who distracted her (not hard to do) from taking care of puppy who loved to chase cars. While SIL and horny prep boy were dicking around Puppy got crushed by a car and they decided to bury it without telling my partner, who, when she found out, was devastated and didn’t talk to SIL for a long time. She couldn’t even take care of a puppy and this piece of shit had kids?
Btw, her ex did NOT want any kids but when the first was born he doted on him but the 2nd boy was born he was a surprise and the ex treated him like dirt. Hence the reason the 2nd boy is abusive to women – married twice -1 hispanic and his new mail order Chinese bride whose family comes in from Beijing to see her and their only son. If he starts banging her around she will take that kid and go back to China and he won’t ever see his son again. She would do that. I know because she blocked my partner, Xi’s husband’s aunt, when she inquired about him on social media and she has unblocked her but not after many years. I don’t like her and I don’t trust her. Why couldn’t he find a nice South Korean girl if he had to marry outside of his lane? Chinese can’t be trusted. The 2nd son won’t marry a blonde hair blue eyed American girl because she would remind him too much of his mother whom he love/hates. What kind of a kid hits his own mother – I think he’s a psycho and will one day end up killing someone – someone being a woman. He’s afraid of me because I call him out. His son is very cute and needs to know his grandmother – SIL – but she has no intention of ever meeting him. She was told by this son she can come live with him (a disaster of an idea) and Xi but only if she’s sober. Well she’s not going, doesn’t care about the kid, she doesn’t hate anyone but I think she doesn’t like Xi either. I tried to like Xi but it’s hard when someone like that talks like the cook in Bonanza. (hop sing) and I’m not sure it’s on purpose or what but she is so subservient to her husband its unnerving, almost stepford but with a lot of cunning behind him. I don’t trust her.
You can’t treat your children as if they’re your friends they’re not your friends they’re your children and they need love, attention and discipline what they don’t need lenient free wielding parents who have an open marriage.
One Christmas we went up to see SIL. Her sister had cut her hair short. Unbeknownst to us SIL was high on cocaine and alcohol. She flipped out and accused me of bringing a stranger to her home and where was her sister? This went on for a week as we were stranded there for Christmas in a huge snowstorm and couldn’t dig our car out. During that time SIL tried to kill me. With a knife. I don’t think I ever really knew her as a sane woman. For the first year or so of knowing SIL when her boys were still at home she was inconsistent and semi nice but I have no illusions about her. She doesn’t like me and I don’t like her. Even her old girlfriends from college are all alcoholics, drug addicts and whores. When I say whores I mean they would screw a lightbulb to get high if that lightbulb had a dick and product.
One of them lives near SIL and is married to her husband who is a millionaire because of his ability to create software for computers. (my partner recently told me that SIL told her that this woman brought her HEROINE to snort a few years back). WHAT THE HELL? This husband knows that she’s cheating on him and he keeps her as his wife still to this day. She even slept with the pool boy when he was away at work??? WHO DOES THAT? One of their kids grew up to be a psychotherapist and I don’t blame her with parents like this. I know I’m being judgmental but I don’t like this couple. The wife who has been SIL’s friend since 13 years of age has slept her way around all of my partner’s boyfriends when she dated boys. My partner & this woman don’t like each other and her infringement on my partner’s sex life was intentional. In fact, SIL MARRIED my partner’s ex boyfriend and he is the father to her two boys. Her ex is a bisexual and has slept with men he and SIL have dated together- okay so they were swingers. There is a problem with that when you have children. It’s irresponsible and it’s not a protective way to be when your kids were there. What if she had girls you know damn well or at least I do, that these other men involved in their relationship would have sort out her daughters, especially if those daughters looked like their mother. I never found SIL attractive but men upon meeting her go crazy? I have no idea what’s going on but it’s not just with one man ITS ALL OF THEM. I put SIL pix and profile on a dating app to see what would happen and she got over 1000 date proposals. None of that was sincere it was all about sex. None of these men wanted her because they thought she was attractive they just wanted sex out of her. The comments that were made or indecent some of them the platform took it off right away. So SIL is able to manipulate men absolutely.
In her marriage SIL had to cope with the fact that her hubby married her to be closer to her sister, my partner who is gay. On their wedding night it was my partner’s name he called out during sex. My partner, my late brother-in-law, their late parents, and the boys late parents all told SIL NOT to marry him. No one liked him she never listened. That’s her problem she never listens to anyone on anything she’s willful she’s impulsive and she’s an asshole.
So now this woman is again in the hospital for abusing alcohol and her pain meds. She told my partner that if “doctors would just give me more oxy I wouldn’t have to drink” and then she denies drinking a lot. One drink (she started with beer at 13 and has graduated to HARD SELTZER WITH VODKA), can send her to the hospital and intensive care where she is now.
I know I painted a really bad picture of my SIL but there is just no other way to write this – Her eldest son said recently – “I feel like my mother is a spoiled teenagers that I have to take care of for 20 years”. He was 18 when she went off the rails that Christmas when we were there and my partner’s hair was cut short. Before we left she recognized her sister and told us “I was testing you”???? WTF? Yeah I think I know who she really is. Alcohol shines a light on the truth of who a person really is. If I drink too much I fall asleep. If she drinks too much she causes trouble.
I have set up boundaries with SIL and don’t address her but I am going to have to step in and tell her off. She’s going to die anyway by suicide because that is what drinking to death is – suicide. My partner coddles her and always tells her “I love you”. Well tell her something else like “you are a disgrace. You don’t want to help yourself so why should I sit around and watch you die? I’m going to refuse to do that. “
Their late mother once told SIL “I have to love you because I am your mother but I don’t like you.” Very hurtful thing to say and yeah I believe Parents don’t love their children unconditionally – there are always conditions but that is another story.
Sorry this one is so ramped up but no one in my life right now who is a relative or knows about this story is happy about it.